Living with Anxiety – Karl part 9

Well i’ve now been in Todmorden for 2 and a half years, Lots of things have changed, I still live in the same house but my daughter is now 14. I have a job in a local retail store. I have some friends (get me) I play on a pool team, when I walk to the shop I have to say hello to at least one person I know. So living here is good.

How about your anxiety you ask. Well my job has helped, I am forced to speak to random people (customers) and some of them are total tossers, the staff (or colleagues as we are told to call each other) are fantastic.

This post is going to be more about what I have learnt about me and my behavior. I think If I was a kid now I would be called Autistic or one of them science names they give to kids now. I prefer to call myself Idiot savant, (not in a bad way before the hates start, I know there are many people worse than me) I put myself in that bracket in a very loose way.

I have talents but fall down in many ways.

I can see numbers very fast, (sudoku is a breeze), I have a memory for numbers (I can remember a phone number very easy), I can fix things (I can work out how they work very quickly), You only have to show me something once and I will learn it and be able to teach other people.

So they are some of the talents I have. Now for the bad parts.

I find it very hard to speak to new people (going into a new shop is a nightmare) I order most of my stuff online because it scares me, I don’t answer the door to my house (if you come to my house you need to have told me your on your way round), everytime I leave the house I have to check certain things, The iron is off (I don’t use the iron that often, but I still check), The door is locked, (I have a chant I say everytime I leave, “Karl you have locked the door” while moving the handle up and down), I don’t commit to any group meeting till the last minute, (the fear of not going when I have said yes is overwhelming).

I am not an Idiot Savant, I know that.

If you would like to read parts 1 – 8 please click here