The best part of getting older is having more stories. A to Z – D is for Drink and Drugs.

Now before I start this part, I must say these are not just stories about me being drunk or but also drunk and drug people I have met or had to deal with.

D is for Drink

Let’s start with drink. I drink quite a bit, But some drink quite a bit more. I have seen many people with the tell tale wet line down the trouser leg.

When I was about 13 (ish) a bloke used to walk past where me and my friends used to hang out, He always said hi to us, he was a nice chap. well I thought so until he walked up to us one day, he had pissed and shit himself. He was very, very pissed, he still stopped but then fell down. his jeans were not in a good way. His brother later murdered him over an argument over inheritance.

Back to Bingo, I remember a lady who was very drunk winning a very large amount of money (20 grand +) on the bingo, (Im not sure how she even marked the numbers) once I got the paperwork to confirm her win and filled in the forms. she proceeded to run around with her top around her head like a footballer. She didn’t have a bra on so those boys were free for all to see.

Now let’s talk about my drunken shenanigans

I have a scar above my right eye. Well that was from a christmas work party. I was quite drunk, I had already had an argument with my manager (over karaoke of all things, she wasnt my favorite person anyway) and because I was drunk I ended up having an argument with my then wife. (im sure she will appear in following stories) Well me and a full length mirror had a bigger fight. It’s amazing how much blood can come from your forehead. We went to the infirmary to get it sorted but we carried on arguing so we ended up leaving. In hindsight this wasn’t a good idea. The next day I had to go back (you could see my skull through the cut and it was still full of glass) Wow it hurt when they cleaned it and because I had waited they couldn’t stitch is. So now I have a scar.

I also once had to have my head glued. this is going to be a very short story because I have no memory of it. I was out for a beer, I had a few (maybe more than a few) The next memory is waking up outside the infirmary covered in blood. The middle of my head was bleeding (alot)

Drink is bad (well for me anyway)


D is also for Drugs

Drugs, Cocaine, LSD, MDMA (Ecstasy) Heroin, Weed (pot, green etc)

I’m going to tell you a few stories about my contact with these poisons.


Now my favourite of these was LSD. Me and a friend did a summer of taking trips most nights. Gold Microdots £3 each from Wendys. We use to go and sit on a park and contemplate the world (all night) I remember the song 7 Seconds by Youssou N’Dour & Neneh Cherry. We spent 8 hours discussing the lyrics. I think my worst LSD moment was either when I had to sit with my Mum and Dad watching Sleepless in Seattle (the light show was epic but not when sat with Mum and Dad), or when I organised a party at my parents house while they where on holiday, I was mashed and the house got totalled and the police were called.


I cant smoke weed, it makes me Ill, I am the whitey king, I was in a flat of one of my friends we were watching MTV (in the old days, when they played music) having a smoke and drinking beer. I needed the loo, so off I went. I got the wrong door, I ended up in a closet with many mops and brooms, They heard the bang and found me laid on the floor surround by cleaning products. After that I made a decision it was beer or weed, I choose beer.

MDMA (or Ecstasy)

I think my strangest story about Ecstasy was about sex on a pool table, I use to live in a pub and we had a very good contact for pills (we knew all of the bouncers in town and as we all know they are the best people to get pills from) It was a very interesting pub (and life), I lived with 4 lesbians. We used to wait until last orders, neck the pill, clean up then get changed and head to the club. the pill normally had kicked in by then. we partied then we would return to the pub. I didn’t have sex with all 4 lesbians, only some.


Now I have never taken Heroin but I still have a story about it. This is a fairly recent one. One night I had been out for a beer and was heading home. A young girl was sat on my street obviously out of her mind and also crying, I asked her if she was ok, She opened her heart to me, she told me about everything wrong in her life. I sat with her for nearly an hour (it was her that stopped the convo) I still see her around town and I hope I helped in some way.


Hmm well this bad boy has got me in trouble, It’s a very dangerous drug. and let me tell you why. I am not proud of this.

A long time ago, (about 13 years) I went out with some friends and took a lot of this white powder, When I returned home I carried on. I still had my friends in the house and my wife (pregnant wife) and daughter were in bed. I was fired and it got to daylight turning up, My wife was not best pleased, she rang her mum because I was out of control, I went and got in bed. My mother in law (who I love very much and still have an awesome relationship with) turned up and was (rightly) shouting at me. So in my stupid mind I went downstairs and grabbed a knife (now I am a victim of knife crime so I find the abhorrent) I told her to leave in a very threatening way. Well i’m sure you can guess what happened next. Police cell, In the police interview I admitted everything. I went to court, 240 hours community service. I don’t believe I would have done anything like that if it wasn’t for that white powder.

I apologise to anyone I ever hurt.

View past blog posts here:

A is for Alistair

B is for Bingo

C is for Concerts